Broken Trust
by Pantherlily
Summary: Takes place during episode 7X02. Reid expresses what he is feeling by writing it down in a journal.


**Author's Note:**

So, I am dissatisfied with the way the writers are dealing with Reid this season. So I came up with this to help me make feel better. While this is written in the same style as my other fics 'Nightmares' and 'Secrets' this one isn't connected to them. Short, one-shot. Reid-centric. A "missing scene" if you will, from episode 7X02, Proof, so be ready for spoilers.

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><p>I'm not sure where to start. Keeping a diary isn't really my deal. But what else can I do? I don't feel like I can trust anyone any more. The betrayal is deep and so very new. Not one betrayal but three. From people I thought I knew. The trust is broken. The bond I had built with them over the years is in utter disarray. Everyone seems to think everything can just go back to normal in a blink of an eye. How can I be the only one having a hard time dealing with this? How can they just go on like nothing happened at all?<p>

Don't they understand that just because everything is okay for them, it isn't for me? Can't they give me a moment's peace? Stop trying to force the normality on me? I need room to breathe, to think, to process this all. I'm not ready to just forgive and forget. Don't they care that they hurt me? I know they do but I'm just so sick of everyone thinking that "sorry" is going to fix everything.

Hotch: Of the three, I'm mad at him the least. Honestly, it doesn't surprise me he came up with that kind of plan. And he isn't the one who had been there for me when I cried for ten weeks…straight. True, he betrayed me just like the other two but he isn't the one I've been focusing all my anger on lately. Although, true to Hotch form he tried to get me to blame him. He'd do anything to protect his team, even from other members. I guess I can grudgingly understand and even respect his decision, but it still hurts even though I understand the logic behind it.

Prentiss: I thought she had died. We buried her. We mourned her. We hung her picture on the wall in the FBI building to honor her memory. I feel sick inside just thinking about it. Come to find out, she's fine. Alive and well. Stepping back into our lives as if nothing had happened to displace it. She says she mourned six friends, but she knew we were fine. Her "dying" was harder on me than Gideon quitting and leaving me nothing but a note to try to explain things. So hard on me in fact, that I considered using Dilaudid again just to help me forget the pain I was feeling inside.

JJ: Of all the people to lie to me, I never thought it would be her. She's my closest friend I have. We've always been there for each other. I'm her son's godfather for goodness sakes. I just…why did it have to be her? I've been lashing at her, but not in anger. I mean, yes I'm mad but mostly I'm just hurt, dying inside at the betrayal I feel. It's like she didn't even care. The nights she comforted me while I cried on her shoulder. It was all just a show, a sham.

As I sit here and reflect, I suppose if JJ had told me about Prentiss being alive then she would have been betraying Emily. It must have been hard on JJ. By being loyal to one friend she had to betray another. I just happened to be on the receiving end of it and I never thought something could hurt so much. I don't whether to scream in rage or just curl up and cry. So here I am, writing this down. I have to get this out before I let it destroy me. I don't want to stay angry at them anymore, but the pain is still there. I'll just have to work at it a little harder than everyone else, I guess.

The team is meeting at Rossi's tonight to learn how to cook. I guess Hotch thought we needed a team building night. Like one of those retreats people go on to build trust with their coworkers. But this, this is just for us. We need to learn to trust each other again. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe everyone is just dealing with it in their own way. As a team we will grow and the broken bridges will be built all over again and maybe someday we can be that weird, but happy family we once were. Speaking of team building, I am totally late….


End file.
